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Ephemeris
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There are times when we can use an Angel or a Saint to guide and direct us. Follow the link below to find them:
Angels & Saints: http://www.store.sagsun.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=106&zenid=b0ca761f34fa83fe83b1e2047e3ed2cb This is the reason God created children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, students… And, something to make you chuckle when these little blessings are out of control. You can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and he won. The pastor was so pleased that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: Pastor’s Ass Out Front. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper read: Bishop Scratches Pastor’s Ass. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey!
A father was putting his 3 year-old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa.” The father asked, “Why did you say, “goodbye Grandpa?” The little girl said, “I don’t know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.” The next day Grandpa died.
The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties. “May I help you sir?” she asked. “I want to see Valerie,” the man replied. “Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,” said the madam. “No, I must see Valerie,” he replied. Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
A very distraught senior citizen called her doctor’s office. “You told me that I have to take this new medication for the rest of my life, did I hear you correctly?” The doctor responded, “Yes, that’s right.” There was a moment of silence. “Well, JUST how sick AM I?” “This prescription bottle says “NO REFILLS!”
When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend. And than I became a woman. I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would show you the best in many friends.
A Mother, passing by her son's bedroom, was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked-up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up on the pillow, and addressed to "Mom".
A couple was in their 90’s and finding remembering simple things was getting harder. During a routine medical visit, their doctor told them that physically OK for their ages. He told them that there was no shame in using a “pencil for remembering”. He told them that busy people write notes and make lists to help them remember all of the time! They felt like “spring chickens” when they left the doctor’s office! It never occurred to them that younger folks had trouble remembering too. And, he thought that we were too busy to remember everything! *sigh*
A Russian and a Redneck wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Redneck wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this “pretzel” hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you’re finished!” The Redneck nodded in acknowledgment.
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